Wednesday, July 23, 2014

The superficial and illusionary social media world

Me and a friend of mine were having a very out of the ordinary chat today. She was telling me some very interesting stats about her friends. She told me that 90% of the male friends of her husband are really tired, stressed out and completely frustrated. No, not because of work load but because of the unnecessary pressure at home! Confused... Right? Same was my reaction.

But then I am amazed the way wives have started torturing their husbands. And you will be amazed too, when I tell you for what. Let me tell you in the exact way as the wives torment their husbands with stupid and insane complains, like:

"My cousin goes to vacation every alternate month!"
"My friend's husband gifted her a solitaire on Anniversary. And you gave me a diamond one!"
"They got a new Volvo!!! And we still own an old Honda City"
"They went to New Zealand for their honeymoon. Even I want to go there"
"They go pubbing every other day and we, we are always at home!"
"I do not want to holiday in India. It has to be abroad. Even my friends take only abroad vacations"
"My friend is out pubbing on a Friday night and what am I doing? Cooking for you... what a life!"
"You never post our pics together. Look at her husband, how much he loves her. His profile pic is always with his wife"
"You never click my pictures! Look at her pics, they are so awesome"

And this list is never-ending. The problem here is, we women just see something posted by others on social sites and goes to the extent of believing it to be their 'only' life.

We see are the "happy" and lovey-dovey posts and start comparing our lives with them and obviously, that leads to pointless inferiority complex which eventually either turns into depression or we start torturing our husbands to provide the same kind of happiness, which almost have no existence. Why do I say that?

Let me explain. Those pics you see, those posts you see are just few moments of a person's life. Obviously nobody posts the 'sad' parts of their lives (some fools do that as well, though). And what do you do? You compare your 24*7 with those few moments!!! Obviously, those few 'happy' moments will look more luring.

Another issue is, these days all that we want to do, all that we want to possess is not for 'ourselves', but for showing off, for making others envious! We don't want to go on a vacation, to spend time with our families. No! It is so that we can show others that we are enjoying our lives, by holidaying at exotic places.

We are not happy with a small diamond ring, but a solitaire is what we want. Why? So that we can happily and proudly brag about it on our Social networks

It doesn't matter if we are "really" happy with our husbands or not, but then there have to be awesome pictures of a "happy" couple that can be portrayed on our walls

Why? Why are we turning into superficial beings?

That 'real' thing is getting eliminated from our lives. The things that our moms had, doing so much for the family, sacrificing herself, her each and every happiness for her kids and never ever complaining about it.

BTW, I have a point to make here. People who have something missing in their lives are the ones, who tries to show that 'missing' part,  going out of board! Believe me...  Its human tendency to hide the 'sad' things with the illusionary 'good' and 'happy' things

I remember an incident. When my sister finished her Post Graduation recently, and she was sitting at home idle, jobless. My dad used to tell others (even if not asked why) that, she is preparing for her bank exams. He would give such a happy face to the whole situation. This is what we all do! We do not want to show the 'bad' or 'sad' part of our lives to anyone. Infact, we, very conveniently present  the despairing things, dressed in expensive branded fashionable attire of happiness. This is what is happening all over, on all the social media sites these days!!!

Its not social media platforms to be blamed for this, its us: the fools, who do not know how to extract the best and positive things out of something, rather we rot the system to the extent, that starts damaging us!

Come on guys, just by seeing few 'happy' moments from other's life, do not start torturing yourself and your family. You have no idea how many problem those guys would be going through, how many depressing things they would be facing in their daily life! Don't just see what is shown, see whats beyond and at least, whatever you see, do not allow it to effect your happiness, your life. Do not let anything so superficial create a havoc and cause conflict in your relationships. Respect your relations, they are much more meaningful that these meaningless things!

Else, one day you will realize that these superficial materialistic things for which you sacrificed your happy moments were just not worth it, but that would be too late then. All you would be left with is "Regret!!!!"

Keep smiling:)

Friday, July 18, 2014

Rumi Quotes! Just love them

How do they write such amazing words with so much depth, so much intensity!!!!

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Kill those bacterias causing hypocrisy in you!

 “Hypocrisy annoys me, people need to look into mirrors. Let me hold a mirror in front of your face.”
― C. JoyBell C.

I never wanted to write this post because of many reasons. Well you already know what I'm going to talk about! Still, let me elaborate a bit. I am just and just getting so irritated and annoying with the hypocrisies of people these days!! Its kind of becoming unbearable for me.Worst is when people belonging to these species sit next to you and brag about something, which you know is completely wrong and damn, you cant say anything! Thanks to the courtesy genes imbibed in us, from childhood.

Now, why I did not wanted to write this post. Well, while writing this post I will have to give examples of my acquaintances, people who are around me all the time, and by chance, if they get across this post, they might get a heart attack. Because certainly, I am just not going to keep even a inch of courtesy here. And they would surely recognize that it has been written for them! But then, I decided to write about it, because there are hardly any of my friends visiting my blogs. They, probably are not even aware of it :(

Anyways, yeah so today I witnessed the heights of hypocrisy! There is this friend of mine. Only just me, everyone knows that she applies dozens and dozens of make-up (its visible!!!), every week she has appointments in the parlor (we have the same parlor) and today, suddenly I saw a post on her FB wall, 'I don't use foundation, I even don't care to put sunscreen, I dont care about getting tanned. I love myself like this, I never had a stylish hair cut and blah blah blah...' God!!! How I controlled myself from commenting there, only I am aware of! Its not a crime to put make-up... Or its not that, that women who put make-up are 'bad' or something... I mean why??? Why and where was the need of these stupid statements? Where is 'greatness' in showing that you dont apply make-up? Oh ok, you want to say that you have natural beauty! Ok, done... agree:)

Lets move on to next sample, another friend of mine. She keeps on bragging in front of all, 'I hate white skin, it looks so pale, the spots are so easily visible and all that crap!' I went to her place one day for some work and guess what I saw there? The iconic, must-be-banned cream "Fair and lovely"... And I wanted to bash her there itself but then, I have already thanked my courtesy genes which I will do again here! I mean, for God sake! Its awesome to have a wheatish complexion. Most beautiful women in the world are wheatish: Hally Berry, Bipasha Basu and the goddess of beauty Chitrangangna herself! Be proud of your color, just don't give useless excuses. Don't criticize other's skin color just to make yourself feel better! It shows your insecurity!

Lets jump to the next example. This one is just mind-blowing! She cribs in front of her friends, 'Oh! I am fed of this xyz guy. he is just behind me! Plz save me somehow from him. I hate to see his face' and after, 2 days there is a picture on FB, hugging him (well, almost!) with the tags "Best friends". Now, do I have any damn thing left to say here? No! All I can say is, its visible and people notice these kind of hypocrisies!

Time for the next one. She doesn't know ABC of football or cricket, I know that because I know her too well! But then, there will updates on her FB wall, after every match... "Well done Germany!" "India needs to play well" and many others, almost after every match... Guys, its ok not to have any interest in sports! Its really not a mandatory thing. But in an urge to prove yourself to be cool, you actually make fool out of yourself, in front of all! People can really figure out the difference between fake and genuine posts!

Few more, let me just brief them up now:

"I hate watching Bollywood movies! They are full of crap! I just love English movies!" Well, Ok! Eyes drooling
"I don't listen to hindi music, I love listening to English music only!" Well, who's your fav singer, 'Justin Bieber' Really???
"I just like going around with C-Class executives!" Yes guys, believe me!!! I have hard this as well! And you can imagine the amount of control that I needed to stop from killing her.
"I loveeee you and miss you!", a post on FB says with a very sweet couple hugging! She got shifted to Delhi and poor husband is in Mumbai. When she goes to Mumbai, instead of being with Mr. Husband, she is partying every single night with her friends. How come I know?? Thanks to FB and Instagram and yes, thanks to people's stupidity when they think that "Partying is the ONLY cool way to spend your weekends!"
Poor hubby! And he is just happy with 'I miss you!"

Well, there are many other stories! But these are the kinds of hypocrites I deal with every single day and how much I hate it, only I know. Probably, I just hate it when people lie. I hate it when people kind of put a mask to hide their real self. Its a sign of weakness guys. Really!

Be yourself, love yourself. And believe me, you will have no need to brag anything because you will find your real self so beautiful! :)

Keep smiling always:)

Monday, July 14, 2014

A small town girl

Somewhere around Feb, 2005

She thought to give it a try again next morning, to convince her dad to let her pursue her dreams. Though, she knew the answer beforehand, but she was determined to give it a try till the last moment.

She was born and bought up in a very small town of UP, called Saharanpur. Perhaps many of you wouldn't even have heard the name of it. It was a place which, like any other small town, was cut off from the modern world, where people still believed in girls being a burden on the family, where girls had no right to demand for a higher education, where girl's role was strictly restricted to being a house maker, where girls were just given basic education in desire of getting  a good match for them, where girls had no individuality, no independence, no say!

Yes, she was born and bought up in that suffocating environment. But no one knew from where and when she developed those wings, that crave to fly, that urge for freedom and independence. After doing her Bachelor of Arts from a local college, she decided to pursue MBA. Perhaps, she got inspired from one of her cousins, who went to Pune to pursue his MBA. He told her about the kind of environment which is there in his university, the kind of studies, the kind of subjects, the kind of smart people who are around you! Since then, she decided not to pursue her education from local college. Even she started dreaming oabout doing an MBA, and that too from a premier college! Everybody made fun of her! Everybody, around her laughed on her insane dream. People said, you will get married in next one year, and would probably be sitting in some village and making rotis for your huge family. Everybody teased her and tried to pull her down. But she was adamant this time. For whole of her life, she had listened to her parents and done whatever they wanted her to do but this time, she will give a try to get out of these pre-set norms!

She bought few books from her pocket money to prepare for CAT and MAT. She even managed to give these exams with the help of her few friends and an amazing cousin. She even got to get good percentile in them, which was outstanding for self-preparation and that too without any guidance. But once she started getting the interview call letters, her family started getting furious. They made it very clear to her that they wouldn't be sending her anywhere for pursuing higher education. She was, certainly devastated but she dint leave the hope. And for the sake of same hope, she decided to talk to her dad on this, yet again.

With all the courage, she went to her dad next morning and said, "Dad, you know that I did not take any formal coaching for the preparation of MBA, I still managed to get calls from top colleges. Please let me go, atleast to give an interview."

The answer, though repeated and so, predictable came like a thunderstorm, "NO! I have already told you thousands times, I cannot afford to send you outside for any higher education. Now, my only aim for you is to get you married!"

And he walked off! And she, she crushed on the floor, with her dreams crushing in front of her.
She abstained eating food for 3 days, in hope that her parents would feel sympathy and would atleast think about talking to her, but they dint.

Finally, she gave up, took admission for post graduation in literature from the same local college. She started going to college. She started taking classes, she tried to forget everything, she tried to mingle with her friends there but something was constantly killing her from inside. She was just unable to destroy that passion of hers which was constantly pushing her for something higher. She knew, she was not made for this! And then, finally after one week, with lot of courage, she took the decision! Next day, she took 500 Rs from her mom, in awe of buying some course books, packed her basic stuff in her college bag. And directly went to the bus stand, bought a ticket to Delhi and boarded the bus, only to never look back! Not to mention, she was damn scared!

She reached Delhi, which was her first experience of stepping out of her native place. Her aunt (her dad's sister) had a flat in Delhi. She used to live in Dubai but occasionally she used to come to India and stay in her flat. And luckily, her aunt and her cousin had been in India those days, so she called them up. Initially they were reluctant to help her out when they came to know that she came without informing her parents but then, they bought her home, when she refused to go back and warned them to go somewhere by herself.
She called her dad, in the evening, which was obviously not a great experience. He shouted and screamed and demanded her to come back the very next day.

But she, somehow managed to make up a story in front of her mom that she needed a break so she came to Delhi and she would be back in a week. As she was staying with her aunt, her parents agreed for a week.
Now, she had one week. One week, in which she had to find out some or the other way to get to her dreams or else, she will have to go back to the same place again, and perhaps she would never get a chance to get out of that place then... ever.

She started reading newspapers, started speaking to her cousin's friends in hope of getting a way. But everybody said the same thing, to return back. Eventually, she started getting disappointed, when one day she saw an ad in a newspaper, of one of the media institutes called Pratyaksh, which was owned by one of the prominent media personality, Mr Manoj Raghuvanshi . The entrance were happening for getting enrolled into the same. She decided to give it a shot. Here, her cousin supported her completely and took her to that institute next morning. She cleared the entrance, She was even selected in the audition by Mr. Raghuvanshi, who got really impressed by her audacity and that raw zeal and passion. She took admission in one of courses of electronic media reporting. She was even given an exemption in the fees and also, she could pay the rest of the amount whenever she wanted.

Now, she had  a full fledged dream, that she wanted to fulfill. She was, obviously full of ecstasy until her cousin reminded her of her parents. What would she tell her parents? They would never agree to this.
She decided to hide it from that. Her dad always had this dream of having one of his children as IAS officers. She took it as an opportunity and  told her parents that she wanted to prepare for IAS, and Delhi is the best place for that. Her parents agreed finally after lot of convincing from her and her cousin. Now, she had everything she ever yearned for, an opportunity to prove herself. But she forgot it was momentary.

She did not tell her parents for the next one year. They thought she was preparing for IAS, but she was, busy with her media life. She had already finished two courses and obviously, after seeing her determination, Mr. Raghuvanshi gave her an internship in his own production house. He even started mentoring her throughly. She did all the hard work that was required to build her career. She knew she had no time, so she had put all her energies into learning and working hard! Many times, she had no money for dinners, which never bothered her. She even used to walk  from Mayur Vihar, Delhi to Noida, just to save 10 buck of the bus! She could have asked for money from her parents but she never wanted to burden them too much for her own selfish motives.

There were days, when she just used to have water for dinner and yet, used to be happy. There were days when she used to work continuously for 2 days, and used to take little naps in office only. This all sounds so exaggerated but, I wish I could somehow put her intensity and passion here in words, which is so clearly visible in  her eyes even today after almost 10 years of the incident!

Anyways, then came one day, when her mom called her and asked her when was her course finishing as it has already been an year and with that call, came another alarm of making a decision.

But, now she was used to taking bold decisions and so, she decided to write a letter to her dad, in which she mentioned about everything that she faced since childhood, the discrimination, that insult and every damn thing and also, mentioned about the truth of her media course. The letter ended upto 8 pages! And finally, she posted it without thinking twice! And now, she started waiting for her dad's call anxiously. But the call dint come. After around two days, her house bell rang in the morning. She opened the door and before she could realize something, there was a thunderous slap on her face! She couldn't breath for a moment and took few seconds to look into the eyes of her dad, which were filled with rage and anger. Her dad only said, "pack your bags!"

She did packed her bags, but not completely. Because she was determined to come back... Come back and accomplish what she dreamed for... come back and complete her journey. She was determined not to leave it there: unfinished and incomplete!

She went back to Saharanpur and waited to 2 days, for her dad to call her and talk to her but he dint. She was unable to breath, she was dying to go back to the world of her dreams.
3rd day, or rather night, when she was unable to sleep and getting desperate to get into 4 AM's train to Delhi, she went to her dad's room at around 2.30 AM, held his feet and just said, "Please let me go! I am not made for here! I am not made to be kept captured! I will die... I will die! This is not my life. I beg you for my life." And tears started rolling down her cheeks

Her dad, looking at her, speechlessly, mesmerized by her passion, her zeal to achieve something, unbelievably, just said, "Pack your bags!"

And there she was, like a bird, with new wings, flying high in the air, ready to conquer the world, went back to her valley of dreams.

She, the woman, the mardaani I am talking about is me! I have no idea what gave me that courage to leave my home! I used get shit scared of my dad, but when it came to my dreams, I just got some strength from somewhere! Even today, I wonder what made me so brave, just not only to stand for but also, to fight for my rights, with the conventional and orthodox society that I was living in, or rather was just breathing in! It was not easy! Believe me! I had to fight all, including my parents, relatives, neighbours, cousins, all! Everybody was adamant to pull me down. But I thank God for granting me that invisible strength that time!Only one thing kept me moving, if boys have a right to choose their own life, why not we: girls?

Today, I have everything I ever aspired for: an amazing job, an amazing husband and an amazing life! Thanks to those instincts of mine that made me take that bold step in life. Otherwise, I would have got married there itself somewhere and would have been living a life, that no woman wants to lead: a life of no individuality! Many of my cousins and friends have already got trapped into it.

And the most touching part of the story is, today I am a proud daughter of a proud dad! My dad, today says to everyone, "I have no contribution in my girl's success. Its her own!"

After that, I tried my best to change the life of my sisters, my cousins and all the girls whom I could help.Even today,  I make sure to help these girls, by talking to their parents, explaining them the importance of good education, telling them how necessary it is for a girl to stand on her feet and be independent and its only them who can provide them with that immense support that they need. I just ask them to become the pillars of their daughter's life, instead of becoming obstacles!

Its my dream to give courage to all the girls I know, who are still trapped in that society, to break the conservative perception of their families,of people around them and make their own life. All I tell them is, "If I can do it, even you can!" I want to see all those girls, independent and confident:)

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Love being a girl

Its just so amusing with a fragment of annoyance, when girls make fun of the 'girly' stuff that 'other' girls do!
 I am sure you would have often heard the below cliches from almost all of your girlfriends (now, be honest!)

"I am just not so girly"
"I am so different!"
"I don't have any qualities of being a girl"
"I am more of boyish kinds"
"I hate when girls bitch around"
" I just like to hang around with boys"
"I don't like doing makeup like girls"
"I hate girls who do make up"

In fact, I have literally seen girls imitating the 'girly' characteristics. For them, everything that a 'normal' girl does is a drama and exaggeration. Walking, talking, screaming, shouting, dancing,  and literally, almost everything done in a 'girly' way is a matter of amusement for them!

Why? Why are we, being girls, are so humiliated of these traits which are hard-wired into us by God! Why are we  so much embarrassed of possessing "girl's" traits! Why do we feel so uncomfortable in accepting the fact that yes, we have 'girly' qualities and we behave in 'girly' ways! Why to feel mortified in using the words like "ouch" "uff" "OMG!"! Do it...

I mean, we are biologically girls then obviously, we are supposed to behave like a girl and we should be proud of that fact but instead, most of us make fun of this thing, deny to possess and own these aspects and characteristics of being a girl, we, in fact slur these qualities.

There are many other amazing qualities that girls possess. Few adjectives that immediately run down to your mind when you think about this word called girl are Beauty, Love, Balanced, Sincerity, conviction, passion, emotional, courageous! When we do not shy away in accepting those, then why do we make such a hullabaloo in accepting the other qualities?

You say, girls of full of drama, when they scream, shout or say "ouch"? I say, you are full of drama, with ample of superficiality, who disguise their 'girly' qualities in an aspiration of being considered as cool. You say, girls are stupid and dumb? I say, you are dumb, because you  are the one, who droops in between the fact of being a girl and the fact that you do not want to have 'girly' traits.

And then we, girls feel bad when boys make fun of us! When we cant respect ourselves, why would boys do? When we are the ones, who insults the fact of being a girl, why would boys not insult us? When we are the ones, who cant feel good about our 'girly' qualities, why would boys feel good about it? When we are the one, who describes 'being a girl' as being dumb, why wouldn't boys label us as dumb?

Anyways, all I can say is its a beautiful feeling of being a girl, its absolutely stunning to behave like a girl. Do it, and you will fall in love with yourself. Be proud of being a girl, rather than being embarrassed about it...

Keep Smiling always:)

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Rumi: Quotes

Few words just get into your soul and make their home somewhere deep inside your heart!

I am so much inspired and in love with Rumi's quotes! The words are just so full of intensity. 

Below quote is the one I fell in love, the moment I came across it: 

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Bitching... Lay it to rest!

“How would your life be different if…You walked away from gossip and verbal defamation? Let today be the day…You speak only the good you know of other people and encourage others to do the same.”

― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

Was having a chai-time discussion with a bunch of friends few days back. When suddenly the whole topic got diverted towards a girl, who used to be our colleague long back.

Eventually all of us started talking about her. emmm... Ok, we started gossiping about her! Ok fine people!!! Relax! I admit, we started bitching about her!!! Grrr... I hate this word so much... But then, everyone gets caught into this 'bitchy' word's trap some or the other time! You cant escape. Phewww...

Anyways, getting back to the gossiping bitching about that colleague, initially the discussion went on in a very healthy way. We all were enjoying till it got diverted and took a turn towards seriousness! We started discussing about what all nonsense she did and how much others got affected by her. The discussion started becoming grave and emotional with every passing comment. We all started feeling emotionally devastated, thinking about all the harm that female did to few of us.

But then, I realized and tried to scrutinize what were we upto? Nothing much, but just spoiling our own get-together, our own moods. Was this discussion even affecting the person in concern in anyway? No!!! She might be enjoying and having fun sitting somewhere in some part of the world, hardly bothered about what she did to others and here, all of us (like a bunch of dumbos), were ready to sacrifice our good time for the heck of discussing her deeds and bitching about her!!!

Why? Guess, all the fault doesn't lay on us! Its just so much hard-wired into our system. We, specially women get so hyper thinking about others that we, go to any extent to dig the grave of their doings, discussing about it over and over again, spoiling our own moods and senses, torturing our own emotions! And this is what the problem is!

Now, the most important question, cant it be changed? Off course it can be! Very easily. All you need to do is to put a conscious effort towards it. Promise yourself that you would never ever bitch about anyone. Talking and discussing about someone is completely ok, afterall we are all humans and this is one of the human traits. But it is just fine till the extent it fuels your rather, insipid life! The moment these discussions start transforming into horrible conversations, which reciprocates in terms of  invoking any sort of negative emotion in you like hate, anger, jealousy etc, just consciously stop! Stop, breathe, relax and just excuse yourself from that conversation. And believe me, you will feel so much better and happy! You will feel as if you saved yourself from one huge tsunami (of emotions)

Guys, draw a line, where you should stop thinking, talking or discussing about any other person! In short, just reduce your curiosity to talk about others. And you will be able to eliminate one negative part from your life so easily.

Bitching, ahhhh... lay it to rest now!

Be happy, keep smiling alwaaayyyssss...:)

 “Allow enemies their space to hate; they will destroy themselves in the process.” ― Lisa Du

Don't let yourself become an eg of being an enemy in the above mentioned quote! Its clear who is going to benefit by that:)