Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Crows and a mere word associated with them!

"All humans are hypocrites the biggest hypocrite of all is the one who claims to detest hypocrisy." - Peter Wastholm

I recently got to know what a group of crows is called. I know it might be considered as a lack of knowledge and can be quite embarrassing, because this all, we are already done with studying in the initial years of our education! But then you learn new things every day, few of them are absurd, few of them makes you feel such an idiot and few of them can actually make you raise questions on your complete education! Phewww…

Anyways, so let's get back to ‘the group of crows’. People who already know the answer: You can skip the complete drama that I am going to create in this paragraph and save yourselves by jumping to the next one. People who don’t know: Guess. Guess what it might be called? Group of crows… Nahhhh…. Crowd… Nahhh…. Flock… Nahhh…Gathering, cluster, bunch… No, No, No! Ok, enough of drama. So, it is called ‘Murder of crows’ Surprised? Yes, it is! And guess who associated the poor creatures with this word. This, obviously even animals can guess! We, the humans, who think too great of themselves…

Now, why have we, the great-est species amongst all the species that ever existed on the face of this planet chose this name for a mere bird. There are several different explanations for the origin of this term, mostly based on old folk tales and superstitions. But first, let's look at the literal meaning of the word, Murder, which is killing, homicide, assassination, liquidation, extermination, execution, slaughter, butchery, massacre. Have you ever seen a crow doing anything that even comes closer to any of the words mentioned above? I read somewhere that this term has been given to the 'crow' for its traditional association with violence, death, or to its harsh and raucous cry. Really? As if, we humans never cry or howl or scream or wail! 

Another reason: There is another theory that suggests that this is based on the (fallacious) folk tale that crows form tribunals to judge and punish the bad behavior of a member of the flock. If the verdict goes against the defendant, that bird is killed (murdered) by the flock. Yeah, and we have never ever done that! Go to any village of UP, Bihar and Haryana, you will witness the brutality which will reveal that we are worst than any animal on earth! And still, the word murder shouldn’t be associated with us. We do not even spare our own children on the name of honor for God sake! I am sure crows would at least not do that! But still they are ‘murder of crows’

Wait, there are more reasons and theories for this word 'murder' being given to a bunch of crows.

Somewhere I remember reading that it is also because crows scavenge on human remains, atleast they feed on the remains of dead bodies. We, humans kill the animals and then, feed on them. Who deserves to get associated with this label of 'Murder'

The most absurd reason that I found is that many people fear them simply because of their black feathers, which associate them with death (and what about our black souls and hearts?)

Now, I am not here to defend crows. Not at all… But then, I am so much amazed at our hypocrisy. We, humans who are murderers: the brutal ones, we who kill and wage wars on other countries, just for our own selfish motives, dare to name other animals with such horrible terms.

See what is happening in the world now? People are killing each other, just because they want their belief to win. But we shouldn’t be called Murderers! No, we shouldn't, though ‘Murder of Humans’ suits us the most, I guess. Ahhh, but then that will probably reveal our reality, the horrifying face of us...

Tell me one animal, which is as brutal as humans. Animals usually kill to feed themselves and their family. And the list of our reasons for killing others is endless, guess the feeding (because of  choice and not compulsion) being the last.

We even hunt and kill animals for pleasure, but we shouldn’t be associated with the word ‘murder’. 

Why are we, such hypocrites! 

I wonder what word crows would be using for “a group of humans”!

I wish someday these animals learn to speak and write. That day will be the last day of us, glorifying ourselves and vilifying other animals!

P.S I wish I was a warg* at times. So, that I could enter in other animals’ mind and see what they think of us. I know it would be dirty, actually worst than that. 
*In Game of thrones, Wargs are people with the ability to enter the minds of animals and perceive the world through their senses and even control their actions. The act of doing this is called "warging".

P.P.S You haven’t seen GOT? Seriously! Go and watch it… Its one of the best series I have ever seen and BTW, crows play quite an important role in this series! They are portrayed in a very nice image! And handsome too (Jon snow!). You would be drooling on this crow!!! Download now and watch! 

Friday, September 25, 2015

Having Kids: Why or Why not....

And... today  I would be writing something really controversial, something that might give constipation to many, something after which I might be thought to be crazy!

Anyways, I write what I feel...

Being married has many advantages, and the amazing and beautiful ones (uncountable, I tell you!), but one thing that I detest about this institution would be I guess that just after a year or so, everybody around you start asking about your plans for kids, and this lot include your friends as well. After a while, you start feeling as if you were married just for having kids!

And this curious question becomes more annoying when it gets transformed to "Do you have any health issues which is preventing you from having a baby?" 

And this is something not just me, but many of my friends are also going through. And now, out of compulsion I have started playing with these people who ask me this question by throwing another question at them, why... why 'should' I have kids?

And trust me the answers will amaze you like hell!

The worst or the most creative, the epic and the most different answer that I ever got to hear is: To give a reason to your husband to come back home! If there is a kid at home, he will have to come back home. He can't go anywhere. 

And trust me, when I heard this one, I don't know exactly what I wanted to do at that time: kill myself, kill the person who told me this, kill both of us or just run away far from these idiots! I mean, sorry I would never want to have a kid for  this reason! And yes, thank God for not giving me this excuse to have kids!

Another answer: To take care of you when you are old! Oh really, do you think people after some 30-40 years will even have the courtesy to look back at their parents, leave taking care of them alone. If you take an example of this generation, most of them I see, leave the house after 12th and they never look back! At least they are nice enough to visit their parents once or twice a year, call them once or twice a week, send them gifts once or twice occasionally, but then is it enough to be called as 'taking care of your parents'? No... And moreover, its hard for the parents to leave everything and settle somewhere else with their children, at that age! And the next generation will obviously be some steps ahead of us. Then, how and why should I expect, that my kid who would belong to that generation, will take care of me and my husband.

Another Answer: To have a successor, to take our family name forward. Oh yes, we are from the families of Akbar's and Einsteins that the world would lose something big and remarkable if we do not have successors!

And moreover, one has no idea how the world will be, like after few decades. It might get better because of technological advancements. But then, it will have its own bunch of larger issues to worry about as well. If you compare today with say 50 years back, there are already so many distressing changes like diseases (rather variety of diseases) are more common, Non-renewable sources are already on the verge of extinction, Natural calamities have increased by folds in just last few decades, Global warming is on a rise, most of the countries are either under war or going through cold war! I am definitely not being pessimistic or something, but then that's the truth we all have to face. The kind of damage we humans have caused to our planet in just last few decades, is beyond repair. In fact there is a theory which says that it is bound to happen, even if humans doesn't do any harm or damage because that's how it works, one species rule, gets extinct and then comes another one... 

You would be thinking what's the correlation between having a kid and the world's increasing issues. There is a bit of connotation, though. I usually jog my brain on why would I want to bring my child in a world, about which I know all this. Why should I? Will it be a better place for my kid to survive? Why would I want to bring a kid when I know s/he might have to struggle throughout, may be even for basic necessities like water? 

On the other hand, there are millions of orphans out there, who have already taken birth and so, they will have to go through all this anyways, why can't  and shouldn't I just adopt one and make this journey of him/her a little better, a little bearable? In fact just think if every couple, rather than having their own babies and contributing to the increasing population, just adopt a child, how much better the place this earth would become? I know now, its weird, wild, abnormal, insane, horrifying and synonyms of all these adjectives. But then, think rationally, I am sure, it will help us in everything. They say that the increasing population is the biggest culprit of all the nature related problems. And we would be getting rid of that culprit!

I read somewhere, how our planet would be in next 50 years and few of the pointers were:

1. The world population will be over 9 billion. Disease will be more common, as everybody will be physically closer to everyone else, and chronic food shortages may be the norm. (So, why shouldn't we at least try to control the population???)

2.We'll also have to start cutting down on our energy consumption: If humankind continues to use energy at the rate it does now, and population growth follows expected trends, we will need the equivalent of three earths to support ourselves by 2050. Which is, obviously, impossible!!!! Now, would you want your baby to go through all that crunches, all that pain? 

3. They say, as far as global warming  is concerned, the Dead Sea will be almost completely dried up, nearly half of the Amazon rainforest will have been deforested, wildfires will spread like anything and the polar ice caps will be only 60 percent the size they are now. 

4. Superhurricanes will become a regular occurrence (Last nail in the coffin!)

Imagine if we, humans are able to control the population, half of these issues will be gone! And maybe we will gain some more millenniums to live, live in a much better place, in a much better way

Its not easy to explain this to people, its not easy to tell people not to have their own children. Actually they might take it as an offense, their ego might get hurt. But if we all know, we will have to perish one day then why this arrogance, why this ego? Why burden earth with more and more people! Why killing it further...

If children is what we need, then let's adopt! We will be making someone's life and we will also be helping our planet with not over-burdening it.

P.S. The most monotonous answer to my question "Why to have kids" had been "That's how it works! That's what you are supposed to do!!! I mean, hello! Excuse me! Just because I am a woman and God has given me this power doesn't mean I am just suppose to do THIS!

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Krishna-The God who lived as Man: Bhawana Somaaya, Kaajal Oza-Vaidya (Book Review)

I never post book reviews on this page of mine. But then, recently I read an extraordinary book, the review of which I am compelled to write at whatever places i can, its that beautiful and gripping!

It would actually be an arduous task for me to hunt for words that could describe my feelings for this book! That could elaborate on how I felt after reading it... It's going to be a taxing exercise!

I generally take my own sweet time to finish books, but this one! I tell you I finished in 2 days! 

This book is, I guess the best portrayal of Krishna's life till date. It deals with his relationships with the four women whom he loved, loved intensely: Radha, Draupadi, Satyabhama, Rukmini. Unlike other epics where all his roles are confined in relation with Gokul, Kans, Kurukshetra, Gita, Arjuna etc...

In fact, the beginning of the book itself is totally different. It starts with Krishna, being on his death bed, ready to be relieved from this world, remembering all his past experiences, all the time he spent with the four women. 

The beauty of the book is the way Krishna convinces all these women, who sulk, cry and crib because of different reasons. One for his time, and the other one for not getting enough attention, one for leaving her behind and other for making her go through so many hardships and for not understanding her love for him. The way he consoles all of them and win the arguments in any case, is something to be admired and learnt! What a charmer he was...

The conversations in this book between Krishna and the four ladies is incredible! It's breathtaking! Something beyond comprehension, I guess... Beautiful would be a word too small for describing those conversations. I read them again and again and while reading I shed tears again and again! If you are an emotional person, it will make you cry! You actually wait for the dialogues to come... You feel like skipping all the explanation and directly get on to the conversations... That's powerful they are... 

The plight of Krishna, and the pain he is going through on his deathbed, ready to be relieved, but unable to, will make your heart sulk. Time and time, he is thinking of his bonds that are still there, the questions that still someone is seeking the answers to, the relationship that couldn't find closures. All these things that are not letting him embark on his final journey, that are stopping his soul to abandon his body.

He tries to call in for all the people that he was extremely close with, to clear all their doubts, if any and to make him free of all the attachments, so that his soul can leave this world 

He calls in for Draupadi, who was his friend, with whom he shared a very special relationship that was beyond everybody's understanding. The way author has described Draupadi's anxiousness, after learning that something ominous is going to happen to his friend is remarkable. I have not read something so beautiful, so real... And their last conversation is just something to be read again and again because the meaning of it is deep enough, to be not able to be understood in one go... The way Krishna describes their relationship, their love, their bond! 

Then, his last conversation with Rukmini, who always cribbed on not getting enough time from her lord! The way Krishna explains her about his love, about his passion and about her place in his life will take your breath away, it will make you fall in for this God, who lived like a man!

I would quote one thing from Krishna's explanation to Rukmini on asking about her place in his life:
"Beloved you know you are not ordinary and can never be! How can Krishna's better half be ordinary? When I narrated in Gita to Parth and said, 'Among all the elephants, I am Airavat, among trees, I am peepal, among the cows, I am Kamdhenu, among the rivers, I am Ganga and among the women, I am Rukmini' I meant it. My beloved, you are supreme!"

What a player of words, what an amazing orator! 

Last but not the least, his telepathic conversation with Radha, was enough to bring out all the emotions in a reader! It's indescribable. It's beautiful. One actually needs to read it, to understand what I mean...

There is obviously a mention of other things from Krishna's life as well, from Gokul, to Mathura, to Kurukshetra, to Pandava, to Kauravas, to Yadav's, to Balram, to Yashoda Maa, to all the incidents and people who defined Krishna's life, perfectly knitted in his stories with the four women. The former not at all dominating the later. 

And the best message of the book: Even God couldn't save himself from falling in for the human attachments. Even God is facing trouble to get rid of those. That powerful human attachments are!

And the love that Krishna describes, is beyond our capacity to decipher, is much beyond us: the mortals to comprehend!

Go ahead, read it! It's much more than amazing... 

Monday, September 21, 2015

Few questions...

Thoughts erupting like a volcano, questions arising like the waves...
... Questions about the world, about my existence, about everybody's existence...
Creating a havoc in my brain
Questions ranging from Why, what and how of my existence to where and what afterwards?
Feeling like 'am going through a hurricane... Feeling like being stuck in a turbulent whirlpool
What is it? Is something calling me? Or is it just another hallucination?
I feel contented though, but still I am craving, craving for the unknown
I feel happy though, but still am not in ecstasy
I feel like a beggar, with nothing... Just few questions! Questions for which I am seeking answers
Questions ranging from who I am, What am I doing and What is the meaning of my existence...
They don't let me sleep, they don't let me rest...
Who will answer my curiosities. Who will quench my thirst for that missing thing...
At times, I feel it's all vain... It's all futile... Or is it just a delusion of my anxious mind?
What is it? I seek enlightenment to all...
Else, my life will become a river with stagnant water, a sky without stars and the moon without scars...

Image source: https://threeriversdeep.wordpress.com/page/2/

Friday, September 18, 2015

I will show you...

Give me your heart
Like an open field
And i will show you what love is...
I will show u the raw wilderness that i carry inside my heart
And i will fill your life with happiness, spread across for miles and miles
Without a trace of resentment... Without an ounce of sadness
Give me your soul
Like an open sky
And i will show you how to fly
I will show you how to spread ur wings and take a swing in the open air
I will show u how it feels to take a leap
I will show you what love really is
And i will take you away, in the sky full of colors, happiness and joy
Leaving all the sorrows behind for the mortals...

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

I wanna see you happy

Can I ask something? Something...
Do I make you happy?
I know its not easy to answer
But still I want to know!

I just want to make you happy
Though it feels opposite at times
I wonder if I give you all that you want
And I ponder if I am the woman you desire
Will you ever leave?
Say No please...

Your happiness is all that I care about
Your smile is all that I wanna see
Your giggles are all that I wanna hear
Nothing I want, if I cant have that
Your sadness makes me wretched,
Your gloominess drenches me with dejection
I feel like taking you in my arms and holding you tight
When I see you cry, I feel like wiping away your tears forever
And I feel like giving you all that I have
To stop you from bleeding, I can take away all your pains
Just to make you smile
Just to make you happy

Even if it means to let you go...
I will, yes baby I will
I just wanna see you happy
I just wanna see you smiling
Even if I have to let you go...

I know I am not perfect
My love is not great, its selfish... Its imperfect...
I don't love you unconditionally
But I love you enough to try for all that...
And I will, one day make that happen
Till then, will you stay?

But if you wanna leave, leave... If thats where your happiness resides...
If you go away, I will wait for you
In this life and the next one too
No one I want after you
No one I desire now
Nothing I crave for...
Its just your touch that can take me to the peaks of pleasure
Its just your love that can fill me with ecstasy
Nothing can give me that joy
You are a dream come true
You are the love that I always yearned for

And so, I will wait for you
'coz eventually you will come back to me
Nobody can love you the way I do
So baby, you will come back to the imperfect me...
You will come back to me and I will wait... forever
I promise
'Coz you are my soulmate, the one my soul longs for...

Image source: http://hdwallpapers.cat/

Friday, September 11, 2015

Lets stop feeding the negative Trolls!

“Arguing with anonymous strangers on the Internet is a sucker's game because they almost always turn out to be—or to be indistinguishable from—self-righteous sixteen-year-olds possessing infinite amounts of free time.”
― Neal Stephenson, Cryptonomicon

Read a news last week... Not exactly News - News... But yeah, it was featured on NDTV website, so I referred it to News. BTW, this is one of the most misused words these days: News!

Anyways, yeah so the news was that someone tweeted to Sonakshi Sinha asking "What makes you so damn ugly?"

Keeping Sonakshi's brilliant reply apart, I was actually upset by this one question. It dragged me into thinking what's wrong with people these days? They are kind of losing all their common sense of mannerisms and the decent way of behaving in public. I mean they don't bother about crossing that thin line of not respecting someone and insulting someone. There is a subtle difference between the two, which people are just forgetting or rather not caring to remember.

We, as a society are becoming so intolerant to each other. We are filled with so much resentment and vexation, that we look out for an outlet to let it go, by spreading that negativity into other's life. And when we can't get someone nearby, we take shed of social networks to spit this negativity, this hatred on someone we don't know, we have no relation with.

And these scarcely concealed negative feelings of - Jealousy, hatred or whatsoever, are just so much reflecting in people's actions on social networks these days. They insult anyone they like, in any which way, using any derogatory words or terms.

Some people also do it for gaining a little share of popularity, like the one particular case that I mentioned above had been making a buzz everywhere on news websites, making the person who trolled quite famous!!! And you know, these people are worse than the ones, who do it in the compulsion of taking out their frustration.

You know what's the worst part? It is that these kind of things are contagious! Many others also start tweeting, posting such negative stuff! Not just that, look at the overwhelming response on these posts: they are greeted with so many other retweets and comments! Imagine if we don't share or reply to them (both anti and for), they will eventually succumb because of the lack of virality. But then as much as it sounds simple, it's hard to be inserted in different brains. There are like-minded people everywhere to support and encourage each other! They forget that today it's someone else, tomorrow it can be them!

I am definitely not commenting on the merit of whats right and whats not. It definitely depends on and differs from individual to individual, but then there are certain tacit norms on how to behave and enunciate your feelings in public. I know we are a democratic country with freedom of speech and all, but then there is a thing called respect! Respect others... It's something that is taught and given so much stress on since our childhood. Where are we dumping all that education and why? 

Rather than spreading so much negativity, so much hatred, rather than always trolling on someone, why don't we try to see good things in people, and compliment them. If we can't do that, then why don't we just restrict ourselves from minding our own business, why don't we force ourselves to keep this loathing and detestation within us.

And even if that is out of our control, if at all one can't stop the urge of screwing up someone's day, then why not do it in a decent way, a little healthier way. There are many funny trolls being circulated on Social networks. Why don't we just restrict ourselves to that kind of a form, rather than crossing the lines and insulting someone beyond a limit?

Remember the trolls on Alia Bhatt, after answering that one question wrong on Koffee with Karan! We declared her dumb, we labeled her with so many insulting terms. There were so many trolls on Sonam Kapoor for using the word misogynistic in her tweet against the meat ban recently! What's wrong in that? BTW, she cleared it off in her later tweets. But even if she made a mistake, its ok! These guys, who poke dirty fun at others/ celebrities don't commit any mistakes? Oh, then they must be from the kinds of Hulk, Superman, Batman (or Shaktiman!) Simply put, they might be super human beings because only then it is possible to not commit any mistake.

It's insane to be so insensitive and inconsiderate. We are driving our society also on the same path. Today social networks are filled with negative things, things filled with hatred, hostility, bitterness than positivity and happy stuff!

Lets spread happiness, smiles, lets share good and beautiful things, lets spread positivity or let's make fun of others in a healthy and acceptable way, lets make our social world a better place to exist! Is it that difficult?

P.S There is an exception to the above said things: Rahul Gandhi!

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Do you know...

image source:http://1ms.net/happy-girl-desktop-background-531033.html

Have you ever noticed my smile when you compliment me: how so ever dwarfish, how so ever silly it is?
Though I do not show it outside, I try hard to create an aura of calmness and tranquility
'coz thats what elegant women do...
But then do you feel those rumbling vibrations? The ones that set my whole body quaking...
Though I try to look so composed...
Do you know the your compliments rip through my body causing havoc.
But do you know what the hell goes inside me?
You don't... I guess
Well, let me tell you then...

The moment you compliment me...
Every drop of my blood rushes through my veins: dancing and singing...
Each and every cell of my body gets electrified and excited
As if they are dancing on some Michael Jackson's number
Its like a volcano erupting within me causing everything, I mean literally every damn thing to shiver inside

Do you realise how difficult it is to look calm from outside, when such a tremendous wobbling and trembling is happening inside...

Do you know: nothing, absolutely nothing can bring so much excitement, so much happiness to me!

So, keep playing the tune to make my cells dance, keep causing these quakes and volcanos for my blood to rush through my veins.

Damn, you make my lethargic, lazy cells do some work-out! See, its good for me after all :)

Monday, August 24, 2015

The day I fell in love...

And that was the day....
The day I discarded my life,
The day I abandoned everything...
I fell in love…
The feeling, that emotion was so intense and strong,
That it left me with a surge of bewilderment
‘Coz I never remember being in love ever, with so much madness, with so much fervor

I fell in love with the man who did everything possible to make me fall for him
The man who took all my pains away and gave me smiles instead
The man who kissed me so passionately every morning I woke up
The man who made me laugh and whom I called my soul mate

I fell in love with the lady who was sitting there in the corner
Her beautiful face looked so pale and lifeless
She: who bought me into this world and lived for me throughout
She: who made me walk, and taught me all the intricacies of life

I fell in love with that strong man, who never shed a tear in his entire life
But today, he was standing there drenched in his own waters
He who always protected and supported me by being the pillar of my life
But today, he seemed to be so weak, so fragile, something forcing his back to crouch

I fell in love with those 2 young girls, who walked with me always
Who fought with me, who laughed with me, who cried with me,
With whom I shared all my obsessions, my fancies, my chocolates and my dark secrets

I fell in love with that handsome young boy, whose eyes always sparkled with million dreams
But today instead of those gigantic dreams, all I see is pain in those beautiful eyes…
Wait! Are they even moist?

I fell in love with these people, whom I called friends…
They stood next to me throughout my journey like an angel
They: who always gave me my doze of happiness in the time of sorrows

I fell in love with those books that had the imprints of my moist fingers on them
They still carried the marks of my tears on their pages, a token of my emotions
They had so many words underlined that were supposed to be looked out for,
They still had dates on the front page and notes of my opinion on the last

I fell in love with that sketchpad and those brilliantly colourful pencils, that gave me a passion to be called mine, a reason to come back home

I fell in love with the guitar, that I never played
But had still kept it, in a hope to make it mine one day

I fell in love with that birthday dress, that made me look like a princess
I fell in love with those high heeled shoes, that took me to heights whenever I felt low
I fell in love with every brick of my home, that imbibed my fragrance

I fell in love with the girl lying down there, on the floor
I fell in love with her dark brown eyes, her nose, her ears and her toes
I fell in love with her skin tone, with every inch of her frame
I fell in love with her beauty that I never admired
I fell in love with her heart, her zeal, her passion, her wildness, her abnormality and her insanity
And all I was thinking was, how could I not fall in love with her before?
How could I kill her?

And there I was, lonely falling in love with everything precious that I ever had…

And then, there was a voice calling me upon, and I said, “Can I get a chance to live again”
There was a reply, “You will…”
And all I could say was, “No… Can I get a chance to live my same old life?”
The silence fell upon everything...

Friday, June 12, 2015

Just a note on happiness

Just got a thought on happiness... 

Nothing is worth of depriving you from happiness, rather euphoria!! Be happy, be elated... life is short, too short to worry about any damn thing:)

So keep smiling... Fill the world around you with happiness!! 

Sunday, June 7, 2015

The transformation of an arranged marriage to a love one!

“If I get married, I want to be very married.” 
― Audrey Hepburn

Arranged marriages: Lets look at what wikipedia says about it:

Arranged marriage is a type of marital union where the bride and groom are selected by a third party rather than by each other. It was common worldwide until the 18th century.

Wait a second, does that say '18th century'. Yes, it indeed does. The world has moved on, and we, Indians are stuck, stuck in between a combat. A fight of deciding where to go, which side to choose and whom to follow: our old traditional culture or the west. 

Anyways, arranged marriages still accounts for an overwhelming majority of marriages that happens on our land. Though we do celebrate love, but only in movies and we are doing that since last 4 decades, but when it comes to applying it literally, it suddenly becomes a stigma!

Love marriages are still considered a taboo in major parts of our society. Anyways, I am definitely not here to make a hue and cry on this institution, but on the contrary, to list down few exceptionally beautiful, few annoying and few hilarious things about an arranged marriage, that helps the two involved fools people creating a love story from an arranged set-up

Let me kind of try to put them in points:

1. Starts from the meeting of the families, with the girl and boy getting minimum time and expected to talk and know each other to the maximum. It is filled with tea, cakes, snacks, food and gap-shap and yes, the girl's family falling for the dude... ehmmm, I mean the boy: his demeanour, his pleasant and nice mannerisms and not to forget, his killer radiant and beautiful smile, that has the power to give a familial Orgy... 
2. Generally, in Indian arranged marriages, the final answer comes from the boy's side. Girl's side wait eagerly and gravely for a phone call from them, as if he is the last man alive on the planet. Boy's family, how-so-ever they liked the girl and how-so-much they would be eager to say yes, takes their own time, for the fear of not revealing their desperation. 
3. Finally, when the yes happens, the whole ambience change. Everybody behaves as if this is the first ever moment of happiness in their lives. The whole neighbourhood is lightened and brightened with hugs, sweets and celebrations, and shouts and screams and what-not!
4. Now comes the time for the girl to get pampered (my fav part!). She is treated like a princess and I am telling you, if you are in that position, exploit... Exploit this situation as much as possible because it will never come back. 
5. And the wedding is done, ending with moms, bride, relatives, everybody howling and crying and yowling on top of their voices, making the poor groom feel like a kidnapper!
6.The girl enters the new house, taking a leap from a girl to a woman, a fiance to a wife, a careless daughter to a responsible daughter in law. 
7. Time to take out and put on those lacy sexy lingeries every girl buys in order to seduce her husband. This shopping can also turn to be horrendous, if not taken care of properly! 
8. Time to know each other. The girl plays safe, by pushing a bit every day. First day, to try and make a space for herself in his closet. Second day, to change few things here and there in his room and after few days, establishing the fact that the room belongs to both! Its the time they test each other's boundaries
9. They start knowing each other, with love blossoming on the parallel track, with the winds of heaven dancing in between. Its like dating, just that it happens after marriage. And in most of the cases, Sex is already done O_o
10. In between those small arguments, disputes and fights, the life goes on, with a hope of having a 'happily ever-after' Bollywood style kind of 'The End'. The only thing is no one knows, where exactly lies this end! But right they say, 'Marriage is not the end of love, as some might say. Instead, it is the very beginning of an incredible journey…” - Annette Thurmon, A lifetime of Happiness

Guess thats true! Do let me know what do you think: Can arranged marriages be transformed into loved ones.

P.S. How can marriages be arranged? They are made in heaven... Right?
P.P.S. 9th Point: Why to date when sex is already done??? Because it keeps on getting better and wilder with every date! :<>

Ab hume aur kuch nahi chahiye bhaisaab...

Source: Quora.com

'Ab hume aur kuch nahi chahiye bhaisaab, bus ladki sundar aur saaf rang ki ho'
Translation: 'We do not expect anything, just that the girl should be beautiful and should have fair color'

This is something that my parents recently have got used to listening to. But you know they (the bride-seekers) begin with saying hume aur kuch nahi chahiye, but the list goes on and on, its never ending. At times, I wonder if they are really strong believers of Superheros, I mean that is why they look out for a Superwoman!! Right?

Anyways, so let me just put down few of very common demands/ qualities that the family of the groom look in, while searching for a 'suitable' supergirl (in the same order)

1. Sundar aur saaf rang (She has to be beautiful and of fair color): The MOST important and mandatory thing! If this is not there, the below list stays futile.
2. Padhi Likhi ho (Should be well educated)
3. Khana banana aata ho (Should know cooking)
4. Ghar ke kaam-kaaj kar leti ho (should be able to do household jobs)
5. Shaadi ke baad job karle aur hamare bete ki zimedaariyaan baant le (Should take up a job after marriage and share our son's responsibilities)
6. Seedhi saadhi ho (should be simple )

And as I have already mentioned above, the list goes on and on and they all always seems to end the conversation with an extension of the same epic dialogue, "Ab hume aur kuch nahi chahiye, bus jo aapka man kare apni ladki ko dede!"
Translation: 'We do not expect anything, you can give whatever you wish to your daughter'

This is a typical conversation that happens between families trying to search suitable grooms and brides for their sons and daughters respectively!

I know, everybody thinks we have passed on that old phase. But have we? These are conversations that I am quoting from many recent rendezvouses that my parents had in the last few months, in an urge to find a suitable groom for my sister. And these guys that I am talking about are very well-educated: Engineers, MBAs, Doctors and few IAS officers as well. However, my parents have given up on PCS, IAS and IPS officers, because the kind of demand that they make for money, at times goes in crores and is definitely impossible to be met by a regular Government servant! Sometimes, I feel they study hard for the day they can be paid for it. Believe me, I feel like thrashing these educated illiterates who does not have guts to stand in front of their parents and say NO for taking a dowry!

My sister turned 25 this year, which made her extremely vulnerable to everyone's attention. She has kind of given a tedious job to everyone in our huge family, who now only worries about her future, if in case she doesn't get a suitable groom.

I started writing this post, not for mentioning the demands that groom's family make, but to highlight the saddened situation we, as a society are trapped in! We are living in a delusion that we are progressing, but still a huge part of our society is living in the same conventional world, where fair color is considered beautiful (and is above all the traits that a girl should have), where groom's family still holds an upper hand, where groom's are sold blatantly without any regrets, where girl's parents have to agree to all the demands of the opposite side.

And you know the worst of all the demands, I find is the one with this weird, imbecile and foolish fascination towards the color of the skin... There has to be a stop to this foolish 'fairness' crusade. Somebody needs to slap and make these 'educated illiterate' people wake up to the realisation that more than anything else, its the girl's thinking that makes her beautiful!

And we say we are progressing... Are we?

P.S. These are not fake or made-up things. These are the ones that I am quoting from my parent's very recent experiences while searching for a match for my sister! Yes, in this era. They do happen...

P.P.S. ... happen very regularly and shamelessly

Monday, June 1, 2015

2 kinds of marriage

Just read these amazing lines in Winter of the World, about 2 kinds of marriage!!! Totally loved the way it has been described... 

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Dear Myntra and Flipkart, thanks for snatching away my freedom!

“I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.” 
― Charlotte BrontëJane Eyre

I am an avid Shopaholic, a compulsive one! At times, I feel this is some kind of a disorder I am going through. The moment my salary is credited into my account, I start shopping! And within the first week, I am broke, I am left with no bones! And the rest of the month goes in waiting for the next salary! Its like my wallet has a hole. I guess it has...

Anyways, boom of the online shopping sites have actually galvanised this disorder, much to my disdain. The moment I get little time in office, at home or for that matter anywhere on this planet, I just open my laptop and start browsing, drooling over the thousands and thousands of pretty shoes, dresses, accessories, just craving to see them in my wardrobe!

I just always open these sites with an idea, rather a very clear one of 'window shopping' but then, in the middle I don't know what goes wrong with that clear idea of mine, I end up buying something. Yes, it is out of compulsion! I just told you about my disorder above. How so ever hard I try not to shop, but then, it becomes impossible for me to control my desires! 

There are sites, that have very limited stuff on them. I generally do not shop much on them probably because of the limited choice and scope. I only order from these sides, if there is something really unique.

But then on sites like Myntra, Flipkart and Jabong, it becomes mandatory for shopaholics like me to buy something, every time we browse through them. Why? Because there are always so many choices to go through, so many things to browse through. Its like never-ending stuff they have on their sites. So, we Shopaholics end up buying something or the other! Now, you know the reason of these companies flourishing. Thanks to people like me!
But from last few days, I am happy! Because these companies are planning to give people like us a chance to have some savings now. How? By going 'only mobile'! Myntra has already removed their desktop version and is, only mobile now and Flipkart is also planning the same.

I have no idea what they thought, who their strategist is. Because its an insane move! The reason Myntra has given for this step is: their 85% of the sales are from mobile. Its because you made us use mobile by giving huge discounts on orders placed via mobile app. You know what I used to do (and many of my friends too), we used to browse through the Myntra site, choose the stuff, dump it into our cart and then, login via same account to our mobile apps, avail the discount and tada, we were done with the shopping, with the desired discount!
Thats how probably you got 85% sales from mobile, because you guys compelled people to do shopping via app.
Now, the reason that I could see of these companies choosing mobile only would be: the exclusiveness. Let me elaborate this with an example: If as a user I am looking out for something in particular, lets say Red stilettos, I would open all the sites (Jabong, Myntra, Snapdeal, Faballey, Flipkart, Amazon etc) on the tabs of my browser, filter Red stilettos in all of them and choose the best amongst all. The horizon for a user is wide, quite wide. But now, if I want Red stilettos, and I go to Myntra mobile app, I would be 'inside' their app, which constrains my capability of browsing through the same stuff on other sites! Out of compulsion, I would end up buying from their app only! And also, I really can't have many shopping mobile apps in my phone, I will only have 2-3 max. See, the competition is killed! Boom...

But what Myntra do not realize is Mobile can never be a first choice for user to shop! It can't be. Why? Let me give you some pointers:

1. Its very uncomfortable: Yes, it is absolutely painful to keep on moving your thumb to scroll down the screen for hundreds of pages! Did you do a user test before taking this decision?
2. I cannot open 2-3 products of the same kind and compare in an app, I can do that so easily on the website! You know, you are making my whole shopping experience so inconvenient and troublesome.
3. It is really not a very wonderful experience to see the zoomed in products on mobile. God, they don't even look like zoomed in! A user can't see the design, the cloth material or for that matter, anything on mobile clearly!
4. Poor interface: Now come on, you will agree that the interface of a mobile app can never be compared to the full fledged interface of a website! Using the later is easy, convenient, everything is there in front of the user's eyes and all that is required is a tap on the required link.
5. Now if you think I would do shopping on the go, wasting my 3G data, you are wrong Mr. Myntra and Mr, XYZ.. A user would not! Even if I want to, I can't! Thanks to the amazing uneven network that our mobile operators provide. Rather, I would wait to go into a wi-fi zone, connect my laptop and browse through other websites, rather than torturing my eyes browsing through your mobile app on a small screen!
6. It is easy to delete! The day, I realize i have been wasting a lot of money in shopping, all I have to do is long press on your icon and tap on the cross button! You will be deleted from a user's life (and may be forever)! And installing the same again, forget it... We users are just too lazy to again undergo the whole process. BTW, I did that. I was a religious shopper on your site and last week, I deleted you because I got so frustrated by browsing on mobile!
7. You are taking away my freedom! You are adamant to make my shopping experience complicated and challenging! Do not force us please. Let us make our own choice!

Its true, the world is moving towards being mobile, but not everything is applicable to everyone! You need to see your suitability and then take decisions.

Also, you should have given ample amount of time to the users to evolve and get ready for this shift.

 - A shopaholic, a religious user of your website, a professional working for a company that create mobile apps (so, I can't be unbiased, as I have my own fascination towards apps), an iPhone 6 user (just to make you realise that even after being the user of one of the best designed phones, I do not prefer using mobile app on top of a laptop for certain things)

P.S. Thank you once again for pushing me towards some savings! Even, your competitors would be thanking you too by leaps and bounds

Live and let live

Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.

- Martin Luther

Had been thinking to write this one since long, but then I could never gather enough courage to do so. Why? Because of many reasons, primarily being that after this, I might be labeled as an anti-feminist person. I might have to incur the wrath of many women, but then let me tell you one thing: I am a die hard feminist and many of my posts have been written on the same. I truly believe in the incredible qualities that come with, being a woman. They are unmatchable! But, then as everything and everybody is not perfect, we do have our own flaws...

Anyways, being a slave to the corporate world gives a lot of exposure to people and so, happened with me. With many things apart, I got to witness the ugly part of the world as well. A part where men unabashedly are so open for relationships (and not just physical, even emotional) outside their marriage. And now a days, they do not even take the pain of hiding away their marriage!

One of the topics that is discussed within my girl's gang over and over again is this: the intensity of men wanting to go out of the marriage and getting emotionally and physically involved in a relationship has increased by folds!

My friends had told me innumerable tales of their friends who suffered or are suffering because of their 'inhuman' 'brutal' 'insensitive' ditching husbands. But then, I often think about it, I mean about the other side: The Husbands. Why? Why do they do that? What makes them to go and take that step which could lead their image, their lives and their marriage into trouble? Are we the ones being 'insensitive' and ignoring the complete side of theirs? Is it only man's mistake if he starts looking out of marriage for 'something'? Have we even tried to give it a thought? All we do is just blame them!

No, I am certainly not defending the act of adultery here. I am not. Period! All I am saying is why just to blame one side? And BTW, there are few men who look out just for the sake of having some fun. I am deliberately choosing to ignore that breed of men while writing this.

Coming back to the topic, I have seen women always nagging and cribbing about something or the other to their husbands. I have seen women controlling their husbands as if they are withholding a slave, I hardly know women who give enough space and time to their spouses to pursue their own hobbies and interests.

I mean, we women take 'marriage' in a very literal way! Marriage does not mean being glued to your husband for each and every single moment. Marriage does not mean he can't have a life of his own. Marriage does not mean he can't go out with his friends and have fun. I know few couples where husbands just can't go out alone! They have to take their wives along with them, even if they are going out to meet their own college or school friends! And then, we women are experts in finding out reasons to screw their (husbands) happiness for something they would have said or done wrong there! And jealousy! Man, its imbibed in each and every cell of our bodies. We can't bear our husbands talking to their girl-friends (not literal), how so ever old buddies they are. And then we make a hue and cry on the ways he was talking to them, in the way he was behaving with them! Why cant we accept the fact that their relation would be old enough to reach a certain level of understanding and it is ok for you to leave them and let them behave as they would have ever done in the past. And if its such a burden on your soul, why dont you just choose to be at home or go out with your own gang! Rather than, killing your husbands and screwing up their moment of fun. BTW,  I even know women who gets jealous of their husband's male friends as well! I swear!! And they make their husband's life hell if they try to meet them more that the 'given' permission.

I know women who controls each and every bit of their husband's life: what to wear, what to eat, where to go, how to go. I know women whose demands are just never ending! All they do is demand for something or the other. Where is the peace for husbands? That fun part, that happiness... Ladies, you kill it by your presence at the wrong places!

I was chatting with an acquaintance once and she was like these husbands go abroad for work and why do they have to go to strip bars. She was going on  and on on how she gave 'strict' instructions to her husband not to do so! I mean, now is it ok to do that? Whats wrong in going to a strip bar!!! He is married (for good reasons) and has not been sold to your slavery! Has he? He is an individual! He will have his own likes and dislikes. Why can't we women just leave them and give them some space to do their own things, to breathe, to live, to enjoy? Why? Why do we become so allergic to our husband's having fun after marriage?

We (not all, off course), suck out all the fun-part from a man's life after getting married. Its just our cribbing that we leave for them to deal with. Is it right on our part? And is it right what we do with them?

Now, lets look at the other side: the sati-savitiri wives one! They get themselves so involved with the house, kids, in-laws and all, that the husband gets shifted to the last on their priority list. I know such women as well.

And when, a man starts looking out for that peace, for that happiness outside, we blame them! Is it right on our part? Why can't we, for once give them a benefit of doubt and try to understand why and what made them to take such an extreme step.

It is really hard to strike a balance, I know. Tougher than said. But then at times, just to keep the relationships intact, we need to put in 'that' extra effort and do it! It is just not enough to get married, the challenge is to make it a happy one, without any of the individual feeling suffocated or ignored or getting the feeling that they have been doing excess compromises or sacrifices.

Live and let live is the mantra to be adhered too, even after marriage :)

P.S. Do you think the husband of the lady (I mentioned above who prohibited her husband to go to a strip bar) would have gone to one, without telling her :P

P.P.S. Hell yes, I think so!!!

Image Source: http://www.camerondobbins.org/