Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Live and let live


Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.

- Martin Luther

Had been thinking to write this one since long, but then I could never gather enough courage to do so. Why? Because of many reasons, primarily being that after this, I might be labeled as an anti-feminist person. I might have to incur the wrath of many women, but then let me tell you one thing: I am a die hard feminist and many of my posts have been written on the same. I truly believe in the incredible qualities that come with, being a woman. They are unmatchable! But, then as everything and everybody is not perfect, we do have our own flaws...

Anyways, being a slave to the corporate world gives a lot of exposure to people and so, happened with me. With many things apart, I got to witness the ugly part of the world as well. A part where men unabashedly are so open for relationships (and not just physical, even emotional) outside their marriage. And now a days, they do not even take the pain of hiding away their marriage!

One of the topics that is discussed within my girl's gang over and over again is this: the intensity of men wanting to go out of the marriage and getting emotionally and physically involved in a relationship has increased by folds!

My friends had told me innumerable tales of their friends who suffered or are suffering because of their 'inhuman' 'brutal' 'insensitive' ditching husbands. But then, I often think about it, I mean about the other side: The Husbands. Why? Why do they do that? What makes them to go and take that step which could lead their image, their lives and their marriage into trouble? Are we the ones being 'insensitive' and ignoring the complete side of theirs? Is it only man's mistake if he starts looking out of marriage for 'something'? Have we even tried to give it a thought? All we do is just blame them!

No, I am certainly not defending the act of adultery here. I am not. Period! All I am saying is why just to blame one side? And BTW, there are few men who look out just for the sake of having some fun. I am deliberately choosing to ignore that breed of men while writing this.

Coming back to the topic, I have seen women always nagging and cribbing about something or the other to their husbands. I have seen women controlling their husbands as if they are withholding a slave, I hardly know women who give enough space and time to their spouses to pursue their own hobbies and interests.

I mean, we women take 'marriage' in a very literal way! Marriage does not mean being glued to your husband for each and every single moment. Marriage does not mean he can't have a life of his own. Marriage does not mean he can't go out with his friends and have fun. I know few couples where husbands just can't go out alone! They have to take their wives along with them, even if they are going out to meet their own college or school friends! And then, we women are experts in finding out reasons to screw their (husbands) happiness for something they would have said or done wrong there! And jealousy! Man, its imbibed in each and every cell of our bodies. We can't bear our husbands talking to their girl-friends (not literal), how so ever old buddies they are. And then we make a hue and cry on the ways he was talking to them, in the way he was behaving with them! Why cant we accept the fact that their relation would be old enough to reach a certain level of understanding and it is ok for you to leave them and let them behave as they would have ever done in the past. And if its such a burden on your soul, why dont you just choose to be at home or go out with your own gang! Rather than, killing your husbands and screwing up their moment of fun. BTW,  I even know women who gets jealous of their husband's male friends as well! I swear!! And they make their husband's life hell if they try to meet them more that the 'given' permission.

I know women who controls each and every bit of their husband's life: what to wear, what to eat, where to go, how to go. I know women whose demands are just never ending! All they do is demand for something or the other. Where is the peace for husbands? That fun part, that happiness... Ladies, you kill it by your presence at the wrong places!

I was chatting with an acquaintance once and she was like these husbands go abroad for work and why do they have to go to strip bars. She was going on  and on on how she gave 'strict' instructions to her husband not to do so! I mean, now is it ok to do that? Whats wrong in going to a strip bar!!! He is married (for good reasons) and has not been sold to your slavery! Has he? He is an individual! He will have his own likes and dislikes. Why can't we women just leave them and give them some space to do their own things, to breathe, to live, to enjoy? Why? Why do we become so allergic to our husband's having fun after marriage?

We (not all, off course), suck out all the fun-part from a man's life after getting married. Its just our cribbing that we leave for them to deal with. Is it right on our part? And is it right what we do with them?

Now, lets look at the other side: the sati-savitiri wives one! They get themselves so involved with the house, kids, in-laws and all, that the husband gets shifted to the last on their priority list. I know such women as well.

And when, a man starts looking out for that peace, for that happiness outside, we blame them! Is it right on our part? Why can't we, for once give them a benefit of doubt and try to understand why and what made them to take such an extreme step.

It is really hard to strike a balance, I know. Tougher than said. But then at times, just to keep the relationships intact, we need to put in 'that' extra effort and do it! It is just not enough to get married, the challenge is to make it a happy one, without any of the individual feeling suffocated or ignored or getting the feeling that they have been doing excess compromises or sacrifices.

Live and let live is the mantra to be adhered too, even after marriage :)

P.S. Do you think the husband of the lady (I mentioned above who prohibited her husband to go to a strip bar) would have gone to one, without telling her :P

P.P.S. Hell yes, I think so!!!

Image Source: http://www.camerondobbins.org/

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