Arranged marriages: Lets look at what wikipedia says about it:
Arranged marriage is a type of marital union where the bride and groom are selected by a third party rather than by each other. It was common worldwide until the 18th century.
Wait a second, does that say '18th century'. Yes, it indeed does. The world has moved on, and we, Indians are stuck, stuck in between a combat. A fight of deciding where to go, which side to choose and whom to follow: our old traditional culture or the west.
Anyways, arranged marriages still accounts for an overwhelming majority of marriages that happens on our land. Though we do celebrate love, but only in movies and we are doing that since last 4 decades, but when it comes to applying it literally, it suddenly becomes a stigma!
Love marriages are still considered a taboo in major parts of our society. Anyways, I am definitely not here to make a hue and cry on this institution, but on the contrary, to list down few exceptionally beautiful, few annoying and few hilarious things about an arranged marriage, that helps the two involved fools people creating a love story from an arranged set-up
Let me kind of try to put them in points:
1. Starts from the meeting of the families, with the girl and boy getting minimum time and expected to talk and know each other to the maximum. It is filled with tea, cakes, snacks, food and gap-shap and yes, the girl's family falling for the dude... ehmmm, I mean the boy: his demeanour, his pleasant and nice mannerisms and not to forget, his killer radiant and beautiful smile, that has the power to give a familial Orgy...
2. Generally, in Indian arranged marriages, the final answer comes from the boy's side. Girl's side wait eagerly and gravely for a phone call from them, as if he is the last man alive on the planet. Boy's family, how-so-ever they liked the girl and how-so-much they would be eager to say yes, takes their own time, for the fear of not revealing their desperation.
3. Finally, when the yes happens, the whole ambience change. Everybody behaves as if this is the first ever moment of happiness in their lives. The whole neighbourhood is lightened and brightened with hugs, sweets and celebrations, and shouts and screams and what-not!
4. Now comes the time for the girl to get pampered (my fav part!). She is treated like a princess and I am telling you, if you are in that position, exploit... Exploit this situation as much as possible because it will never come back.
5. And the wedding is done, ending with moms, bride, relatives, everybody howling and crying and yowling on top of their voices, making the poor groom feel like a kidnapper!
6.The girl enters the new house, taking a leap from a girl to a woman, a fiance to a wife, a careless daughter to a responsible daughter in law.
7. Time to take out and put on those lacy sexy lingeries every girl buys in order to seduce her husband. This shopping can also turn to be horrendous, if not taken care of properly!
8. Time to know each other. The girl plays safe, by pushing a bit every day. First day, to try and make a space for herself in his closet. Second day, to change few things here and there in his room and after few days, establishing the fact that the room belongs to both! Its the time they test each other's boundaries
9. They start knowing each other, with love blossoming on the parallel track, with the winds of heaven dancing in between. Its like dating, just that it happens after marriage. And in most of the cases, Sex is already done O_o
10. In between those small arguments, disputes and fights, the life goes on, with a hope of having a 'happily ever-after' Bollywood style kind of 'The End'. The only thing is no one knows, where exactly lies this end! But right they say, 'Marriage is not the end of love, as some might say. Instead, it is the very beginning of an incredible journey…” - Annette Thurmon, A lifetime of Happiness
Guess thats true! Do let me know what do you think: Can arranged marriages be transformed into loved ones.
P.S. How can marriages be arranged? They are made in heaven... Right?
P.P.S. 9th Point: Why to date when sex is already done??? Because it keeps on getting better and wilder with every date! :<>
'Ab hume aur kuch nahi chahiye bhaisaab, bus ladki sundar aur saaf rang ki ho' Translation: 'We do not expect anything, just that the girl should be beautiful and should have fair color'
This is something that my parents recently have got used to listening to. But you know they (the bride-seekers) begin with saying hume aur kuch nahi chahiye, but the list goes on and on, its never ending. At times, I wonder if they are really strong believers of Superheros, I mean that is why they look out for a Superwoman!! Right?
Anyways, so let me just put down few of very common demands/ qualities that the family of the groom look in, while searching for a 'suitable' supergirl (in the same order)
1. Sundar aur saaf rang (She has to be beautiful and of fair color): The MOST important and mandatory thing! If this is not there, the below list stays futile.
2. Padhi Likhi ho (Should be well educated)
3. Khana banana aata ho (Should know cooking)
4. Ghar ke kaam-kaaj kar leti ho (should be able to do household jobs)
5. Shaadi ke baad job karle aur hamare bete ki zimedaariyaan baant le (Should take up a job after marriage and share our son's responsibilities)
6. Seedhi saadhi ho (should be simple )
And as I have already mentioned above, the list goes on and on and they all always seems to end the conversation with an extension of the same epic dialogue, "Ab hume aur kuch nahi chahiye, bus jo aapka man kare apni ladki ko dede!" Translation: 'We do not expect anything, you can give whatever you wish to your daughter'
This is a typical conversation that happens between families trying to search suitable grooms and brides for their sons and daughters respectively!
I know, everybody thinks we have passed on that old phase. But have we? These are conversations that I am quoting from many recent rendezvouses that my parents had in the last few months, in an urge to find a suitable groom for my sister. And these guys that I am talking about are very well-educated: Engineers, MBAs, Doctors and few IAS officers as well. However, my parents have given up on PCS, IAS and IPS officers, because the kind of demand that they make for money, at times goes in crores and is definitely impossible to be met by a regular Government servant! Sometimes, I feel they study hard for the day they can be paid for it. Believe me, I feel like thrashing these educated illiterates who does not have guts to stand in front of their parents and say NO for taking a dowry!
My sister turned 25 this year, which made her extremely vulnerable to everyone's attention. She has kind of given a tedious job to everyone in our huge family, who now only worries about her future, if in case she doesn't get a suitable groom.
I started writing this post, not for mentioning the demands that groom's family make, but to highlight the saddened situation we, as a society are trapped in! We are living in a delusion that we are progressing, but still a huge part of our society is living in the same conventional world, where fair color is considered beautiful (and is above all the traits that a girl should have), where groom's family still holds an upper hand, where groom's are sold blatantly without any regrets, where girl's parents have to agree to all the demands of the opposite side.
And you know the worst of all the demands, I find is the one with this weird, imbecile and foolish fascination towards the color of the skin... There has to be a stop to this foolish 'fairness' crusade. Somebody needs to slap and make these 'educated illiterate' people wake up to the realisation that more than anything else, its the girl's thinking that makes her beautiful!
And we say we are progressing... Are we?
P.S. These are not fake or made-up things. These are the ones that I am quoting from my parent's very recent experiences while searching for a match for my sister! Yes, in this era. They do happen...