Saturday, September 14, 2013

The first strand of greys

... And I almost got a heart attack this morning when I noticed those first strands of grey hair! Agree they are not the first ones but they are certainly the first prominent strands of grey hair, the sight of which almost took my breath away... Ouuucchhh... I looked at them and I just wanted to scream like those dramatic heroines in old movies "nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..." I remember Hema Malini doing that in some movie, while releasing her breath in a strange way! Anyways, back to my agony. So, I stood in front of the mirror, looking at my grey color strands and touching them with my finger tips... and touching them again and over again as if the grey color will get back to the color of youth by my touching! I so badly wish it could! I would have taken a day off from work and would have sat in front of the mirror and would have transformed all those strands with that stupid grey color back to black: the color of youth as I declared above! To my chagrin, there was no such option available! Alas, so I have to now start accepting that I am growing old!

I sat on the bed trapped by all sort of scorning feelings of frustration + disappointment +  irritation + depression + annoyance + distress + the thought that my life is finished + I have lost everything.  I felt as if my youth is ditching me. It was meant to stay forever. It was there to stay with me till my last breath! Or else, perhaps I myself deceived myself. How? Because in early 20s I never ever imagined of growing old. I never ever thought of entering into the phase of late 20s and then early 30s, then late 30s.. and I have to stop my counting here else I will again enter into the dungeon of all those stupid negative feelings!

So, I just sat there on the bed thinking about what next. My life is ending and blah blah blah (imagine one of those idiotic Ekta Kapoor's heroines doing some sort of a drama and articulating some brainless dialogue with no head and tail. Yes, I was behaving in the same way today morning! Wait a min, it means there is some logic and truth in those stupid senseless characters of Ekta kapoor! ohhhh... who cares for now!!!)

Anyways, sitting on the bed, drowned in the ocean of forbidden feelings, I called upon my savior. An inner voice of mine, that's what I call it: my savior. I don't know where it resides inside me. Which part of me, she has made her home in: my intestines, liver, kidneys, lungs, heart, legs, knees, elbow, hands?? Don't know. All I know is she (I think it's appropriate to consider your inner voice's sex same as yours)  stays somewhere within me! And dude, she is extremely sensible, rational and wise! She is the one who always save me from doing stupid things , console me,  makes me understand the different complexities of life, suggests me about right and wrong! I don't know from where she received all this prudent and wise intelligence! Not from me, off course!!! At times, I feel amazed at the fact that she is my inner voice! No offense to myself... but I am proud of the fact that I have a super intelligent inner voice! Really!!! Some people do not even have the brainless one. *sign sign*

Anyways, yes so I just closed my eyes for few moments and called upon my inner self to calm me down, to snatch away and throw all these stupid disappointing feelings out of me into some gutter and there she was: my rescuer. The best part of taking a guidance from your inner self is you don't have to explain anything, no need of drama and no need of any hues and cry. She exactly knows what you are going through.

And this time, all I could hear was a simple logic from her which probably I had been grown up listening to: The only thing constant in the world is change! Yes, everything changes, every damn thing. So, how come the youth will remain the same even that has to change so what's the big deal.

Its just a phase I was going through!

Terry Pratchett was so right when he said:
“...inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.”

And then suddenly I felt better, felt light, relieved and nice! Yes, no burden of growing old, no tension of grey hair: nothing! And then the devil takes the entry: my mind: the horrible creature to mock at me of becoming so restless by just seeing few grey strands! But I know this time my mind was right, I myself had given a chance to it to laugh at me! I became so reckless at that time when I saw those few strands of grey hair, I couldn't even hear my heart that was screaming from somewhere, left side of me: "Stop bothering. Those grey strands are the souvenir of experience. Chill and smile! Accept them gracefully..."... But I couldn't hear its voice in middle of the noise of my own troubles and howls (not the real ones!!!) Poor heart, it would have got a sour throat today by screaming so much!

But then what made me so disturbed? The fact that I am growing old? or I will not be looking good anymore? What is it? I felt embarrassed of my thoughts! Why do we women always live under this heavy burden of looking beautiful, looking good, looking young???

Anyways, probably that's not my mistake. It's the mistake of how our society takes and considers beauty as!  Those stupid beauty products and their ads have actually changed the definition of beauty these days! According to those stupid fair and lovely ads, those santoor ads, those anti ageing ads of ponds and lakme, those hair color products ads beauty is all about flawless and FAIR skin, it's all about looking young! If you consider what these ads shows right, then old people just have no right to believe that they are beautiful because your wrinkles, your grey hair doesn't give you that luxury to afford!!!

That hair color ad, where Karishma Kapoor asks "do you know why I use hair color?"... She states few reasons, one of which is "off course to look young"... and that ad of santoor where a lady is shown with a baby gal (I wonder why santoor ads has never ever taken a baby boy... Don't they deserve young beautiful moms! Poor guys), where she shouts "mummmmyyyyyy..." and everybody around is astonished and surprised to know that it's her own baby! The OMG moment and I will not even take the pain of describing those brainless, senseless, irritating fair and lovely ads where just by getting a fair skin, a lady is shown winning some race, becoming an anchor, becoming a commentator and becoming a astronaut <ok! this was my imagination> But don't you get surprised if fair & lovely even launches the astronaut ad. The model in the ad will be rejected while she is dark and will be selected as an astronaut after becoming fair because probably, aliens love fair skin people - opppsss girls! and tada tada tada... What is the connotation of these professions with fair skin? Even fair & lovely's owner will not be able to explain! I can bet. God knows what all successful careers and professions, fair & lovely will grant to all those poor dark girls (these ads represents them this way only, in a sympathetic way!), by just making them fair!!!! Gosh!!! Why don't our Govt ban these ads...

Yeah, so we as a society have really forgotten the real meaning of beauty. The definition these days only revolves around looking young, looking fair, having flawless skin, black hair and that's it. Is it the real beauty? Do only the outer looks define real beauty? I don't think so! Beauty: that's a very intense and a powerful word: it includes everything! Its a whole package: of looking beautiful (the way you carry yourself and not the looks and all that crap), your attitude, your conduct, your manners, your way of seeing the world, your approach of looking at yourself... and yes, age has nothing to do with it. Look at the timeless beauty like Rekha, Sharmila Tagore, Vahida Rehman (she is myu fav!) and Meryl Streep! These women are just ageless beauties... They got old so gracefully. They embraced their age so beautifully and so, they are still charming and heart throbbing!

Without all the attributes, real beauty can never be perfectly and completely defined by just the looks, never!

Anyways, for now, I have decided to age gracefully and happily:) No regrets, no tensions, no stress
I will follow what my heart said during the morning phase of trauma, "Age is just one of the souvenirs of experience." In fact, Ageing is also referred to as ‘Blues’ and ‘Blue’ is a color, strangely made out of two highly controversial and extreme mixes – the color of a deep sea and the color of the highest sky… So, yes, truly, number of years in age can also be defined as a measurement of the depth and height of your experience with life!

So, chill, smile and age gracefully :D And growing age doesn't mean you also have to grow up:D. I am gonna  live on my old mantra again (which Baba Bryan Adams gave to everyone), 18 till I die!!!

Even Carroll Bryant said:
“Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.”

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